I am so tired.
I finished my previous post by 10pm last night… perfect time to go to bed, right? Guess what I did…
Yep. I finished a book I started earlier!
I went to bed at 1am. It seemed worth it…
I wish I would remember how exhausted I am waking up with Jack at 2:30am, with Caleb’s alarm at 5am, and Jeff at 6:30am…
I NEVER remember.
Every night I sacrifice my sleep for TIME! Time to relax without interruptions. Not having to jump off the couch to stop Jack from putting something in his mouth or changing a poopy diaper as he rolls over repeatedly. Not to get Jeffrey a snack, to keep him from making a huge mess in the bathroom sink (oops… too late) and have him waddle away, bent over like an old man, trying to make it to the potty because he waited too long.
All day I dream about sleep; then when I finally can sleep I don’t. I spend every moment possible reading a book, writing on my blog, creating a banner, watching a show with my husband, without having to do anything.
It’s not just parenthood either. It’s the same for students and/or those of you in the workforce. The mantra our life equates to “work, go to sleep, work.”
TIME is what I sacrifice sleep for. But sleep determines whether the next day is good or bad, possible or impossible, fatigued or alert.
Today though, as I’ve impatiently dealt with my boys and it isn’t even 10:30am, I realize “the error of my ways.”
Lack of sleep makes the days longer and harder. I am more impatient. Quick to anger. Negative. Frustrated. I see my flaws. I am weary.
“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Jeremiah 31:25
“…Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
This is what I want. But in this context it’s not talking about late night book readings… it’s referring to our weary hearts.
Hearts, weary and burdened from responsibilities as parents, worn out from jobs we may or may not love, fatigued from too many demands, depression, lost direction, a search for purpose, a cluttered home, a broken relationship, finances, lack of friends, guilt, a need for TIME.
BUT our bigger problems are affected by sleep.
Sleep, or the lack of, can be the very thing to determine if I have a joyful home or not. If I am thankful. Peaceful. Hopeful.
Being tired is normal but today I know I’ve given up too much sleep.
It’s hard to find rest in God when we aren’t rested physically.
Negativity, irritation, guilt. That’s what we express. I do. They interfere with my joy!
Having physical rest clears the way for us to find rest in God …for our hearts.
As a parent, an employee, a social butterfly, a busy student, a spouse, etc. there will be countless days we don’t “get” to sleep or choose not to for a purpose.
I’m not saying I won’t stay up to read occasionally or spend time with Caleb.
I’m referring to the opportunities we don’t take. When we are drop dead tired, our kids amazingly went to bed at 7pm, and then you (me in this instance) stay up until 1am! Going to bed at 10pm would have given me three hours of “me” time and three extra hours to sleep!
I could be refreshed for this day and here I am feeling practically lethargic.
“But those who trust in the lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)
There is potential for better days to come if we trust that by getting more physical rest we will find strength in God for bigger battles. A rest we need to soar in all areas of life.
For me – to be the loving and patient mother I desire to be. To joyfully and thankfully, sit down with my son, who asks me, “can we read the Bible and have a snack?”