I’ve gained weight.

In a previous post on Intuitive Eating I recommended the book “How to Have Your Cake and Your Skinny Jeans Too,” by Josie Spinardi. A book I still find very good! At the time of the post I was 151 pounds, now I am back up to the 157-160 pound range I was stuck in before…sigh. This may sound like Intuitive Eating doesn’t work BUT, as with all things, you still have to “follow through” for changes to occur.

So – in order to better honor my waistline – I have decided to cut back on the holiday celebrations. Some days baking is the only option to celebrate with my boys and making three goodies in a row isn’t very effective in the “I’m trying to shed a few pounds and keep them off” world. I do LOVE sweets and don’t intend to cut them out of my diet but just because I “can” eat a dessert everyday (in moderation) doesn’t mean I shouldn’t strengthen my Intuitive Eating muscles before leaving a full plate of cookies on my counter alongside gooey toffee bars alongside Ding Dong Bundt Cake…

So I am going to stick with celebrations not involving food, or at least avoid so many sweet ones at this point!

And honestly I have been discouraged. I want to say, “I am content to stay this weight forever! I am happy with me and accept myself as I am!” I absolutely need to accept myself but the reality is – if I don’t figure this eating stuff out now, even if I only gain 5 pounds a year, in 12 years I could have gained 60 pounds – putting me at 220 when I’m 40!

Between having kids (which already leaves me way less active) and metabolism slowing down with age – I don’t know if my eating will maintain this current weight or if gradually the pounds will start sneaking on. Lucky for me my library always has great books on display, and I came across the book “It Was Me All Along: A Memoir” by Andie Mitchell. Andie’s story is her weight gain/ weight loss journey. She lost over 100 pounds without cutting anything from her diet – just eating in moderation and being more active.

I won’t say it’s a “happy happy” book because there is definitely some sadness – like her breaking up with the man she calls her best friend because she doesn’t have romantic feelings for him anymore – which I found disappointing!

Either way she had some wonderful insights and encouraged me in my fight for a healthier life!

My favorite line of the book was, “Another plate wouldn’t have brought me any greater satisfaction, because contentment doesn’t double by the serving.”  

This really hit a nerve – the contentment of “one” cupcake doesn’t double if I have TWO!? I realized how much a second or third serving, in so many foods, actually brings discontent because I’m left with so much regret and guilt!   I absolutely want to learn to be content with who I am, right here, right now (which is a process in itself) because even though it seems like it, weight loss isn’t going to make me happier. I do want to make changes though, so I can be healthier as well as setting a good example for my children!

I want to come to the place where eating a dessert (or any food for that matter) can be described as Andie does in her book, “…it was delightful. I’d made it special; I’d enjoyed it, and because of that – the eating lacked regret.”