Dear Little Boy

Dear Little Boy I love So much,

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You are taking a morning nap as I sit here writing my apology.

I have already yelled enough by 10am to last us for the week.

I had a full nights sleep, breakfast, I exercised, I prayed, read my Bible, my house is decently clean, the sun is shining, I’m not mad at anyone (except now myself) – this day that should have been fun and joyous has already been ruined (up to this point) as I sit here with tears in my eyes realizing how I’ve let you down again.

I am so sorry honey.

I let you down when I am impatient with my 10 year old for doing something wrong but you’re only 3!

I let you down when I stop you from messing up your little brother’s toys but don’t do the same for you when you’re trying to build a train track and they keep getting pulled apart.

I let you down when the combination of your tiredness and need for cuddles cause you to be naughty but all I can see is the naughty.

I let you down when I hug and kiss you less because I’m so frustrated with you.

I let you down every time I use harsh words and am quick to yell.

Today I have let you down repeatedly but I want you to know I won’t give up. This is not who I want to be. I don’t enjoy these faults. I don’t like to make you sad.

I can’t suddenly be a different person but I will never stop working toward being a better me, a better Mommy.

I will not give up fighting to be the person I need and want to be. To respond with more patience and love so you can grow up having learned a better way to express your anger.

You are my boy and I adore you. I will always say sorry when I’ve done wrong and fight to be the best Mommy I can be, to raise you to be a good man just like you are a GOOD boy!

Love Mommy

“…when we are fully engaged in parenting regardless of how imperfect, vulnerable, and messy it is, we are creating something sacred.” – Jimmy Grace

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